无老师作文巨讲堂2015.12

无老师优秀范例：Moreover, parents are more experienced. When dealing with some daily problems, and they can aid adult children to overcome difficulties. Imaging there is a young couple, who do not have any experience of raising an infant. They are annoyed by the baby’s crying in the mid-night and baby’s rejection to food as well. That is exactly the condition that their parents can help. Parents can give them detailed suggestions about how to comfort the baby, and also teach them how to distinguish if the baby is hungry or feel uncomfortable. Asking parents to babysit the kids can be also a good choice for office workers.

 

无老师优秀翻译：不仅如此，父母们的经验更加丰富。当处理日常事务时，他们可以帮助青年人来克服问题。想象一下，一对年轻夫妇，他们在抚养孩子上没有太多经验。他们对孩子在午夜的苦恼烦恼不已，孩子不愿意吃东西也把他们都征服了。这种情况恰好就需要父母的帮助。父母们可以提供非常具有可操作性的建议，在如何安抚小孩，和教他们如何分辨小孩是感觉到饿了，还是感觉不舒服。请父母来照顾小孩对于上班一族来说是个很好的选择。

 

无老师平庸范例：Moreover, parents have more experience. When dealing with the everyday work, they can help the young adults to deal with problems. You can imagine this, the young parents do not have much experience. They are very bothered by the baby’s cry in the night, and they are bothered by the baby’s dislike of eating. This just need parents’ help. Parents could offer very useful suggestion in how to comfort the baby, and help them in how to find that if the baby was hungry or not good. So, it is a good choice to invite the parents to look after the baby.

 

无老师精析：无老师每一次的作文巨讲堂，都是找满分作文，来将其作为原稿，然后翻译出中文译本，一对一的直接翻译。然后再根据中文译本写出平庸范例，力求平庸范例写的越烂越好，尽可能模仿出低水平的考友们的真实状态，因此里面会有很多中式英语，语法错误以及诡异的表达。当然也因为整体是按照优秀范例的中文译本翻译过来的，因此难免有些内容与优秀范例十分的相似。

 

首先第一句，优秀范例：Moreover, parents are more experienced.对比平庸范例Moreover, parents have more experience.在这里貌似平庸范例用到了experience的名词词性，但是实际上，因为平庸范例的谓语have在这种语境下用的不地道，因此，其实还是优秀范例更胜一筹。

不仅如此，父母们的经验更加丰富。

Moreover, parents are more experienced.

第二句，优秀范例When dealing with some daily problems, they can aid adult children to overcome difficulties.对比平庸范例When dealing with the everyday work, they can help the young adults to deal with problems.首先优秀范例的dealing with本身写的就非常简洁，而不是采用they are dealing with，其后，相比于平庸范例，我们就会发现，这里用到了daily，而不是像平庸范例那样用everyday这样很常见的词。不仅如此，我们在下面的aid和adult children，也可以发现，其实作者的其实对于选词是非常注意的，时时刻刻都想突出自己的词汇量是非常赞的！以及在本句话最后的overcome也是这个目的，对比起平庸范例又用了一次deal with，就可以显现出优秀范例的词汇量是远胜于平庸范例的！结果是什么？结果就是词汇量高，而且用的准确，人家就给你高分啊！

当处理日常事务时，他们可以帮助青年人来克服问题。

When dealing with daily problems, they can aid adult children to overcome obstacles.

第三句，优秀范例Imagining, there is a young couple, who do not have any experience of raising an infant，对比平庸范例You can imagine this, the young parents do not have much experience.其实前两句优秀范例，在句式上，优秀范例的亮点不多。但是到本句，优秀范例也意识到了这个问题，因此独立主格Imaging再次横空出世！想一下，这里我们平时很有可能写的是if，亦或者像平庸范例一样You can imagine。但是这里四两拨千斤的一个Imaging直接解决。在接下来作者又用了一个从句来解释a young couple，进一步的修饰a young couple到底是什么样的人。尤其是这句话最后的raising an infant写的也是非常地道！加分！

想象一下，一对年轻夫妇，他们在抚养孩子上没有太多经验。

Imagining, there is a young couple, who don’t have any experience of raising an infant.

第四句话，优秀范例是They are annoyed by the baby’s crying in the mid-night and baby’s rejection to food as well. 对比平庸范例They are very bothered by the baby’s cry in the night, and they are bothered by the baby’s dislike of eating. 在这里很明显，首先用了一个they来连接上文，表示自己要进一步的解释，a young couple所处的处境。这里的annoyed用的很准确，可以说跟平庸范例的bothered不相上下，但是在这里作者很巧妙的用到了并列结构baby’s crying and baby’s rejection，通过如此之远的并列结构，来显示自己对于句型的把握是非常好的，看了之前的第一句话和第二句话，你不是觉得我句法结构不够复杂吗，句型的多样性不够好吗？那好那么在本句话我就给你秀个够！而且，优秀范例后面的in the mid-night写的就细了，再一次体现了作者描绘的精细，以及自己所掌握的词汇量很好。

他们对孩子在午夜的哭烦恼不已，孩子不愿意吃东西也把他们都征服了。

They are annoyed by the baby’s crying in the mid-night and baby’s rejection to food as well.

 

第五句话，优秀范例：That is exactly the condition that their parents can help. 对比平庸范例This just need parents’ help. 在这里优秀范例的一个exactly用的就非常的地道了！强调恰好就是这些年轻的父母所遇到的问题！

这种情况恰好就需要父母的帮助。

That is exactly the condition that their parents can help.

第六句话，优秀范例：Parents can give them detailed suggestions about how to comfort the baby, and also teach them how to distinguish if the baby is hungry or feel uncomfortable. 对比平庸范例：Parents could offer very useful suggestion in how to comfort the baby, and help them in how to find that if the baby was hungry or not good. 在本句话优秀范例首先用了一个detailed来秀一下自己的单词量，而不是像平庸范例一样，用了一个小学生都会用的useful，接下来优秀范例，为了承接前面的crying和annoyed在这里用到了comfort，也就是我们平时常用的comfortable的动词词性，来显示自己的词汇的驾驭能力。然后又用了一个并列结构can give……and also teach……使得句子逻辑性的承接特别好，而是没有单独又写一句话。在本句话之中，作者也时时不忘记秀自己的单词量，本句话的 distinguish和uncomfortable就是证明。

父母们可以提供非常具有可操作性的建议，在如何安抚小孩，和教他们如何分辨小孩是感觉到饿了，还是感觉不舒服。

Parents can give them detailed suggestions about how to comfort the baby and also teach them how to distinguish if the baby is hungry or feels uncomfortable.

 

最后一句，优秀范例Asking parents to babysit the kids can be also a good choice for office workers.对比平庸范例So, it is a good choice to invite the parents to look after the baby.在这里，“请求”父母，作者没有像平庸范例那样，用很生硬的invite，而是直接取了固定搭配ask for里面ask的“请求”的意思，接下来，在表达”照顾孩子“这个概念的时候，作者继上面的comfort之后，又换了一个babysit，是的，作者的词汇量真的很好，而且其实这些单词往往不是很复杂的词，但是就是用到这里刚好合适！最后，作者又为了证明自己的观点，又设定了一个应用场景，也就是for office workers，这就使得自己说的内容很有说服力了，因为我们都知道白领员工，是工作时间很长的，他们只有依靠”父母“来照顾自己的孩子，才能很好地平衡家庭和工作。

请父母来照顾小孩对于上班一族来说是个很好的选择。

Asking parents to babysit the kids can also be a good choice for office workers.