无老师作文巨讲堂2015.11

无老师优秀范例：Aside from availability and efficiency, another notable benefit of sending the teens to part-time job to help them grow up is it informs them the true concept and meaning of money. Take an overview of Chinese situation in this case, the majority of the youth ask parents for pocket money without shouldering household chores, and they take it as granted. To look for a part-time job such as waiter or cook equips them the ability of managing their own budget to make ends meet. Also, it informs them the truth that money is the exchange of devotion and perspiration instead of a pie from the sky.

 

无老师优秀翻译：除了易获得性和效率，让年轻人去兼职来帮助他们成长，还有另一个非常大的好处，那就是这可以塑造他们对于金钱的正确的概念和意义。对于这个情况我们可以举一个中国很常见的例子，大多数的年轻人向父母要零钱的时候，都不要承担任何的家务，并且他们认为是理所应当的。找一份兼职工作，比如说服务员或者厨师，会让他们有管理他们自己的账户达到收支平衡的能力。同样的，这也会让他们知道这样一个真理，钱是用付出和汗水换来的，而不是天上掉下来的一个馅饼。

 

无老师平庸范例：Except the availability and the efficiency, when we make the young people to take a part time job to improve them, there is a big advantage, that is that it can build the right concept and meaning for money. To this thing, we can offer a quite common example in China, when the young people ask for money from their parents, they do not do any homework, and they think that they are deserved. When they find a part time job, for example: waiters, or cook, this will make their account balance. Still, this will make them believe the truth that money comes from hard work and sweat, and money does not fall from the sky.

 

无老师精析：无老师每一次的作文巨讲堂，都是找满分作文，来将其作为原稿，然后翻译出中文译本，一对一的直接翻译。然后再根据中文译本写出平庸范例，力求平庸范例写的越烂越好，尽可能模仿出低水平的考友们的真实状态，因此里面会有很多中式英语，语法错误以及诡异的表达。当然也因为整体是按照优秀范例的中文译本翻译过来的，因此难免有些内容与优秀范例十分的相似。

第一句，优秀范例Aside from availability and efficiency, another notable benefit of sending the teens to part-time job to help them grow up is it informs them the true concept and meaning of money.对比平庸范例Except the availability and the efficiency, when we make the young people to take a part time job to improve them, there is a big advantage, that is that it can build the right concept and meaning for money.当看到第一句的时候，很多小伙伴会“呦”的一声，有想法啊！之前我们的优秀范例最多也就写个besides，这里竟然用到了Aside from，有想法！接下来，作者竟然能用到availability和efficiency这种抽象的概念来表达自己的想法，而且对于词的把握已经接近于本土人的水平了，很强大！在主句，notable benefit也是用的很有想法，因为没有像其他的范例那样用一个单纯的advantage或者benefit，而是加了一个限定词notable，颇有一点妙笔点睛的味道，以及在此之后的teens，和这里的notable，都显示出，作者已经不仅仅是认识这个词仅此而已，而是达到了很好地理解这个词的内涵和外延的能力，这是非常难得的！然后，一个不起眼的小词inform，其实也是用的很地道，因为我们自己写的话，很有可能写出make/let them know之类的话，但是这里竟然能想到用inform，这是实力的体现！而且作者在最后，竟然又用到了并列结构concept and meaning，这也是很强大的，因为，如果是我们自己写的话，经常写出来的也就是单纯的一个meaning，这里不仅能写出来meaning，而且还能想到，并且用到更为抽象的concept，这也是必须狂加分的！不仅如此，前面还加上了一个true，起到了正本清源的作用，告诉你，他到底起到了多么大的正向作用。

 

除了易获得性和效率，让年轻人去兼职来帮助他们成长，还有另一个非常大的好处，那就是这可以塑造他们对于金钱的正确的概念和意义。

Aside from availability and efficiency, another notable benefit of sending the teens to part-time job to help them grow up is it informs them the true meaning of the concept and meaning of money.

 

第二句，优秀范例Take an overview of Chinese situation in this case, the majority of the youth ask parents for pocket money without shouldering household chores, and they take it as granted.对比平庸范例To this thing, we can offer a quite common example in China, when the young people ask for money from their parents, they do not do any homework, and they think that they are deserved.在本句之中，优秀范例就更强大了！因为绝大多数人在本句开头，也就只能写出in this case，而本句不仅将其限定在Chinese situation，这本身就已经非常与众不同了，因为他没有单纯的写一个in china，而写的是Chinese situation，这个就很赞了！而且前面又加了一个overview，这里就又拔高了一个高度！从“宏观”的角度，向下俯视，这就有层次感了！然后，为了让自己说话更准确，更滴水不漏，当然也是显示自己的单词量，因此加上了the majority。其后的固定搭配ask for，还把parents置入他们中间，使得句型更加合理。不仅如此，接下来还用了pocket money来表示“零用钱”，这就写得更地道了！全都是加分点啊！

其后又用without接一个介宾短语，使得句子保持的非常紧凑，接下来的shoulder就更漂亮了，因为这里没有用do之类的词，而是用了shoulder来表达“承担，担负”，这个就用的非常书面化了，漂亮！不仅如此，这里连续的shoulder、household和chore，连续的展现自己单词量的强大。本句最后的take it as granted，表示“应得的”就用的更加地道了！快拿小本记下来！金句啊！

 

对于这个情况我们可以举一个中国很常见的例子，大多数的年轻人向父母要零钱的时候，都不要承担任何的家务，并且他们认为是理所应当的。

Take an overview of Chinese situation in this case, the majority of the youth ask parents for pocket money without shouldering household chores, and they take it as granted.

 

第三句，优秀范例To look for a part-time job such as waiter or cook equips them the ability of managing their own budget to make ends meet.对比平庸范例When they find a part time job, for example: waiters, or cook, this will make their account balance.首先这里用to do作为句子的开头，增加了句式的多样化，加分！然后waiter和 cook两个词用得很准确，赞！其后的equip就更加漂亮了！equip在这里表示“驱动，驱使”这是国内小伙伴很少用到的用法！而且在这里后面也没有直接跟to manage，而是将其名词化，并且接了一个双宾语the ability of，这就更加难得了！接下来就是最后又用了一个漂亮且地道的固定搭配make ends meet，来表示“收支平衡”，而且作者在这里也没有直接将其放出，而是加入一个managing their own budget to，强调是管理自己的口袋，来达到收支平衡。这就写得非常细了！同时也因为细节的丰富，让人觉得特别的饱满和可信！

找一份兼职工作，比如说服务员或者厨师，会让他们有管理他们自己的账户达到收支平衡的能力。

To look for a part-time job such as waiter or cook equips them the ability of managing their own budget to make ends meet.

 

第四句，优秀范例Also, it informs them the truth that money is the exchange of devotion and perspiration instead of a pie from the sky.对比平庸范例Still, this will make them believe the truth that money comes from hard work and sweat, and money does not fall from the sky.首先，一个小词，also，简单而实用！我们都没想到过可以这么用！接下来，inform前面分析过了，不再赘述。这里inform接了一个双宾语，them和 the truth，不过作者考虑到前面已经用过了，因此用了一个名词性从句that money is…..来对其进行解释说明，同时也增加了句子的多样性，不会完全与前面相同。这个从句厉害了！首先exchange在这里用的是其名词性！而不是用动词，不走寻常路，漂亮！接下来的并列结构devotion和perspiration，就是超强悍的单词量的体现了，跪拜！在最后，instead of点明很多人的常见错误，来与前文的内容进行对比，来加深我们的印象，而且最后的a pie from the sky，是不是还有那么点幽默感？^_^原来天上掉馅饼是这么写的！^_^

 

同样的，这也会让他们知道这样一个真理，钱是用付出和汗水换来的，而不是天上掉下来的一个馅饼。

Also, it informs them the truth that money is the exchange of devotion and perspiration instead of a pie from the sky.