重新思考20岁：怎样度过迷茫的人生黄金期

重新思考20岁：怎样度过迷茫的人生黄金期

Rethinking the Age of 20: How to Navigate the Golden Age of Life's Confusion

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“二十岁迷茫”现在是个热门话题，在小红书上有6000多篇讨论。在知乎上，也有一个80多万阅读量的热门问答“20岁的年纪，对未来的迷茫，怎么办？”英文中还有一个专门的词汇，叫“四分之一人生危机”（Quarter-life crisis）或者“青年危机”。

“The confusion of being 20” is now a hot topic, with over 6000 discussions on Xiaohongshu. On Zhihu, there is also a popular Q&A with more than 800,000 views, “At the age of 20, facing the confusion about the future, what should I do?” In English, there is even a specific term for it, “Quarter-life crisis” or “Youth crisis.”

那么，度过这个时期的最佳策略是什么呢？今天，我们看看来自心理学家的思考。

So, what is the best strategy to get through this period? Today, let’s look at the thoughts from psychologists.

美国维吉尼亚大学有位临床心理学家，叫梅格·杰伊，她对一群20到30岁的人，做了长达25年的跟踪研究。就是想看看，什么样的年轻人，长大之后更厉害。2012年，她还在TED做了一场演讲，题目叫《为什么30岁不是新的20岁》，意思是，20多岁的问题，就该在这个年龄段里解决，毕竟人生不能等到30岁再重来。这次演讲有600多万播放量，是迄今最热门的演讲之一。

There is a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, Meg Jay, who has conducted a 25-year longitudinal study on people aged 20 to 30. She wanted to see what kind of young people grow up to be more successful. In 2012, she also gave a TED talk titled “Why 30 is not the new 20,” which means that the problems of being in your 20s should be solved during this age, after all, life can’t wait until 30 to start over. This talk has been viewed more than 6 million times and is one of the most popular talks to date.

最近，她上了一档播客节目，名叫《重新思考》。播客的主理人是作家、组织心理学家亚当·格兰特，也就是去年的畅销书《重新思考》的作者。梅格在播客里提出了一个有趣的观点。过去我们都觉得，20岁是试错的年纪，可以不断地尝试。但是梅格认为，试错是不假，但试错的关键，在于试，而不是错。换句话说，你最好在20岁的时候，就找到正确的方向。否则就像飞机起飞一样，起点偏了一点，终点就差很多。

Recently, she was on a podcast called “Rethink.” The host of the podcast is the writer and organizational psychologist Adam Grant, who is also the author of last year’s bestseller “Rethink.” Meg put forward an interesting point in the podcast. In the past, we all thought that the 20s were the age to make mistakes and try continuously. But Meg believes that while it’s true to make mistakes, the key to making mistakes is to try, not to make mistakes. In other words, it’s best to find the right direction when you’re in your 20s. Otherwise, just like taking off an airplane, if the starting point is a little bit off, the final point will be much different.

这话听着好像有点爹味儿。但是别着急，梅格的观点不是空洞的鸡汤，而是有个理论基础。这个理论叫，黄金圈思维。说的是，人在做事的时候，大脑往往有三层思考。分别是，我正在做什么，我是怎么做的，以及我为什么要做这件事。而真正决定人生差异的，就是这个关于为什么的思考。

This sounds a bit like a father’s tone. But don’t worry, Meg’s point is not empty chicken soup, but has a theoretical basis. This theory is called the Golden Circle thinking. It says that when people do things, the brain often has three layers of thinking. They are, what I am doing, how I am doing it, and why I am doing this thing. And what really determines the difference in life is the thinking about why.

按照黄金圈理论，人在思考做什么和怎么做时，动用的是逻辑脑。而人在思考为什么时，是有可能激活大脑中更深层的，关于激情的部分的。比如，造手机。你看，在这件事上，关于做什么，大家都一样，都是做手机。至于怎么做，那是技术问题。但是，关于为什么做，就体现出境界差异了。有的人是为了赚钱，你再看乔布斯，人家号称是为了改变世界。

According to the Golden Circle theory, when people think about what to do and how to do it, they use the logical brain. And when people think about why, it is possible to activate the deeper part of the brain, which is about passion. For example, making a mobile phone. Look, in this matter, everyone is the same about what to do, which is to make a mobile phone. As for how to do it, that is a technical issue. But as for why to do it, it shows the difference in realm. Some people do it to make money, and then look at Jobs, he is known for changing the world.

这也是黄金圈思维的核心，就是人一定要找到自己的为什么，找到自己做一件事的深层动机。这个动机被点燃了，你对一件事就有用不完的能量。

This is also the core of the Golden Circle thinking, which is that people must find their own why, find the deep motivation for doing one thing. Once this motivation is ignited, you will have endless energy for one thing.

这就好比婚姻，决定幸福的终极因素，不是年龄身高收入这些逻辑层面的数字，而是那个情感层面的心动。这个心动的感觉带来的幸福增益，是其他因素比不了的。同样，放在事业上，所谓的找到你的为什么，就是找到这个心动的感觉。

It’s like marriage, the ultimate factor that determines happiness is not the logical level of numbers such as age, height, and income, but the emotional heartbeat. The happiness brought by this heartbeat is unmatched by other factors. Similarly, in terms of career, the so-called finding your why is to find this heartbeat.

而按照梅格的观察，年轻人的优势就在于，他们更容易心动。说白了，就是更容易被点燃。因此她建议，应该趁火种还在的时候，不停地尝试，尽早找到你喜欢的东西，尽早点燃它。这个初始势能一旦爆发出来，可能会持续很久。梅格跟踪调研过的年轻人里，有一部分人后来很成功。她发现，绝大多数成功的人，都经历过一个被点燃的时刻，而且这个点燃时刻，普遍发生在20岁到30岁之间。

According to Meg’s observation, the advantage of young people is that they are more likely to be ignited. In other words, it’s easier to be ignited. Therefore, she suggests that you should take advantage of the time when the fire is still there, keep trying, find what you like as soon as possible, and ignite it as soon as possible. Once this initial momentum is released, it may last for a long time. Meg has tracked and surveyed young people, some of whom have been very successful later. She found that most successful people have experienced a moment of ignition, and this ignition moment usually occurs between the ages of 20 and 30.

好，前面说的是梅格的观点，具体到行动，她有这么三个建议。

Okay, the above is Meg’s point of view, and specifically to the action, she has these three suggestions.

第一，接受问题存在，给自己时间成长。梅格认为，人一生的心理健康指数是一条J形曲线，从童年到青少年时期，会由高走低，20多岁时会到达“J”的最低点，之后触底反弹。注意，这里的心理健康指数低，不是说心理不健康，而是，不擅长处理那些负面的心理情绪。比如，面对失恋、挫折、人际烦恼等等。20岁的年轻人，既没法像小孩子那样转头就忘，也做不到像中年人那样藏在心里。

The first suggestion is to accept the existence of problems and give yourself time to grow. Meg believes that the psychological health index of a person’s life is a J-shaped curve, from childhood to adolescence, it will go from high to low, and it will reach the lowest point of “J” in the 20s, and then rebound. Note that the low psychological health index here does not mean that the psychology is not healthy, but that it is not good at dealing with those negative psychological emotions. For example, facing emotional loss, setbacks, interpersonal troubles, etc. Young people in their 20s can’t forget as easily as children, and they can’t hide it in their hearts like middle-aged people.

说白了，关于20岁，有一个好消息和一个坏消息。坏消息是，20岁确实有很多问题。而好消息是，只要你好好度过这个阶段，那么之后的人生，心理健康指数都是上升趋势。因此，这个时期感觉到迷茫也没关系，可以告诉自己，这都是正常现象。

To put it bluntly, there is good news and bad news about being 20. The bad news is that there are indeed many problems at the age of 20. And the good news is that as long as you get through this stage, the psychological health index of the rest of your life is on the rise. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if you feel confused during this period, you can tell yourself that this is a normal phenomenon.

第二个建议是，在不追求功利目的的前提下，磨炼一门自己喜欢的手艺。举个例子，前不久，2013年诺贝尔文学奖的得主爱丽丝·门罗刚刚过世。这位传奇作家出版第一部作品的时候是37岁。她的年轻时代是怎么度过的呢？她20岁就进入婚姻，然后做了很久家庭主妇。但是，她在整个年轻时代一直瞄准着一件事，就是写作，用她自己的话说，她甚至“在怀孕期间发了疯地写作”。门罗写了很多长篇素材，虽然后来她没有出版一部长篇小说，作品都以短篇为主，但年轻时的积累，也成为她日后获得诺贝尔奖的地基。

The second suggestion is to hone a craft you like without pursuing utilitarian purposes. For example, not long ago, Alice Munro, the 2013 Nobel Prize in Literature winner, just passed away. How did this legendary writer spend her young age? She got married at the age of 20 and then became a housewife for a long time. However, she has been aiming at one thing throughout her young age, which is writing. In her own words, she even “wrote frantically during pregnancy.” Munro wrote a lot of long materials, although she did not publish a long novel later, and her works were mainly short, but the accumulation when she was young also became the foundation for her to win the Nobel Prize in the future.

说白了，就是我们对手艺这个东西，拿出点价值投资的策略。长期持有，不着急变现。

To put it bluntly, we should take a value investment strategy for this craft. Hold for a long time and don’t rush to cash out.

第三个建议是，停止思考“身份危机”，去给自己积攒“身份资本”。“身份资本”，是社会学教授詹姆斯·科特提出的理论，它指的是，除了金钱之外，让你成为“你”的资源总和，比如你受过的教育，你解决过的问题，看过的书等等。

The third suggestion is to stop thinking about “identity crisis” and accumulate “identity capital” for yourself. “Identity capital” is a theory proposed by sociologist James Cotter, which refers to the sum of resources that make you “you” besides money, such as the education you have received, the problems you have solved, the books you have read, etc.

二者最大的区别是什么？简单说，身份危机指向思考，而身份资本指向行动。

What is the biggest difference between the two? Simply put, the identity crisis points to thinking, and identity capital points to action.

假如你在二十多岁时，想不出做哪些事能通向最终的成功，那就忘掉这回事，专注于眼前，去做那些确切地能为你自己增值的事情。比如，读书，微软的高级工程师熊力曾经说，他当年毕业的时候总结过一个公式，第一份工作的月薪=大学四年买过的技术书籍价格的总和。再比如，多跟人打交道。在大学时期积累的微弱的信息差，将来走向社会可能就会变成巨大的优势。

If you are in your twenties and can’t think of what to do to lead to ultimate success, then forget about it, focus on the present, and do those things that can add value to yourself. For example, reading, Microsoft’s senior engineer Xiong Li once said that when he graduated, he summarized a formula, the monthly salary of the first job = the total price of the technical books bought in the four years of university. Another example is to interact with more people. The slight information difference accumulated during the university period may become a huge advantage when entering society in the future.

最后，借用梅格的一句话，说的是，成年人的生活不是建立在美食、祈祷和恋爱上，而是建立在人物、地点和事情上。而20岁要做的，就是找到能让自己产生感觉的人物、地点和事件。

Finally, to quote a word from Meg, it is said that adult life is not based on food, prayer, and love, but on people, places, and things. And what to do at the age of 20 is to find the people, places, and events that can make you feel.