Do something in the dating process

As guys are growing up, we have this idea that we're supposed to do something in the dating process. And if we don't get taught that by our parents, we get taught that by movies at the very least. we grow up to think that we should be doing something, and that makes most of us feel inadequate, cause most of us have never been taught how to do anything. So now what happens is we walk through life seeing women that we're attracted to, and not being able to do anything. That's a guys life.

Some guys approach everybody. Some... But what do you think that is as a percentage, really? What do you think? If that is all guys, this many are running up to every woman they like. This in fact, this many are ... This many are running up to every woman. This many are running up to every woman they like, and the rest of us, this many, will never approach a woman. And the rest of us, we wait for the right moment. And we are not very good at judging when is the right moment. We also don't know what to do when we've decided it's the right moment. Which is why you guys constantly experience, guys coming up to you and doing creepy shit.

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So, we then ask. Okay, with this group of men. Should women start being more proactive? In order to get them to do something. How many of you have ever been guilty of this: In some form or another, you said if a guy hasn't got the balls to come an approach me, that's not the sort of guy I want anyway. How many of us have said a version of that? You are crazy! And I'll tell you why. I'm just gonna give it to you straight. If us guys, approached every woman we were attracted to, we wouldn't have jobs. It's all we would be doing. So the idea, that if a guy doesn't come up to me I'm just not interested in him, is ridiculous. Ridiculous!

Guys out of thirty women that they might be attracted to, maybe will approach one. Maybe will approach one! Maybe we will find the right moment with one of them. And here is what I mean by the right moment. A moment which he feels is easy enough to do something. Every other moment, the moment it presents too many hurdles, he doesn't do it. You're with a big group of friends. Not gonna do it. You're in a rush and you have that look on your face like I'm just getting my coffee and I gotta get to work cause I'm in a meeting and I got this stuff and I got this stuff and I got to go and I got to go. Text. Text. Text. Oh my God. So many things. Yeah, I'm coming Jake. I'm coming. He ain't coming up to you then. She looks busy, she'll fucking kill me. You're standing with that friend of yours, "Oh he's my gay guy friend", "He's so lovely, I always hang out with him", "We always go out". Never get approached by guys. Wonder why? He's not coming up to you while you're standing there with your gay friend. Cause all he thinks is, this is your boyfriend. This is someone that you're dating right now. He sees you walking alone the street in the daytime, most guys won't approach you then. You know why? Because they're worried that they'll look creepy if they do. Really would love to talk to her. Maybe I'll look creepy if I try. Don't wanna do anything.

But women what they'll often do, they say "Oh no, but that's not true. Guys do come up to me like that." Yeah. One percent. One percent of men. And it's always the loudest guy in the room. It's the loudest guy in the room or the loudest guy on the street, and of course that guy is the one you always meet. Of course it is. "I always meet players." Of course! They're the ones who approach you. Players are the ones that are good at that. They're the ones that do approach you. So if you're hanging back and waiting for guys to do it, of course you only meet players. Of course you only meet the loudest guy in the room. Of course you only meet that cocky guy, who doesn't actually give you anything more. Of course. Cause ten minutes later he's doing it with the next person. Tomorrow night he's doing it with the next person. Not true in all cases but certainly in many.

With these guys, they're trying to find the right moment. So, my friends, it's not about you making the move, per se. It's about you giving him a license to make the move. Cause if you're the one in thirty that makes it easy, you're the one he's coming up to. Your the one he's gonna try with. Don't be easy! But in the first five seconds, be easy!

Actually Text Him Back

You're probably thinking that ignoring his text messages for hours at a time is the way to go. But guys don't think the same way that we do. If you wait before answering him, he's going to think you don't like him. He won't realize that it's all a big strategy and that you're ignoring him on purpose. Don't just text one-word answers, though – show him that you have something to say. If you two can hold an interesting conversation via text message, you might be able to chat just as well in person. It's a good start, at least.

Don't Play Hard To Get

According to experts, the old-school dating technique of playing hard to get actually works: it can make someone who's not head-over-heels for you start to view you as a potential girlfriend. However, it's not the best strategy here because it's not obvious at all – it's way too vague. How is he supposed to know that when you pretend you're too busy to be asked out that you actually do want to grab dinner? Make sure you're giving off an available vibe so he doesn't think you're a super busy, super off-limits kind of person.

Laughter Is The Key

If you can make your crush laugh, you're doing pretty well and he's bound to ask you out super soon. 

Never Mention Ex-Boyfriends

Let's be real: trying to make someone jealous is pretty lame. It usually backfires and just isn't the best idea. If you truly like this person and see a future with them, you don't want to mention your ex-boyfriends. At all. Same goes for anyone else you've casually dated recently. If you want this guy to think of you as a love interest, then he needs to think that you're totally available. He won't think that way if you're always bringing up your past loves. Instead, keep your conversations light and positive.

Compliment Him

In a non-creepy way, of course. And it has to make sense. You can't just randomly blurt out that he's so cute, smart, funny, awesome – even if you want to. He'll think you're super weird and your dreams will all be shattered within a single second. Make sure your compliments are said in a flirty, joking, light-hearted way – and if you're texting, maybe throw in an adorable emoji in there for good measure. Hey, you don't just compliment anyone. Someone has to earn that praise. He'll get the hint.

Ask Him To Hang Out

Don't ask him out. Ask him to hang out – there's a big difference and it's an important one. If you're super casual and ask him to grab a bite sometime or head to a movie, it'll leave his head spinning and make him wonder just what's going on. That's good – you want him to be confused about whether it's a real date or a just-as-friends thing. If he likes you as much as you like him, he'll make the mood romantic rather than platonic and will make sure that you know how he feels. He won't want to let it slide and will want to make you his before anyone else can. 

--演讲者：Matthew Hussey