Surrender

Oprah told a story of her own on that talk show, the topic was SURRENDER -- "I never wanted anything in my life more than I wanted the role in the <Color Purple>. I have not wanted and never want to be in a place for I want anything that badly, again. I felt my life would not go on if I did not get that role. Why I should think that when I never acted in a movie or knew anybody, I didn't know Steven Spielberg or Quincy Jones. And the story is, to make it true, Quincy Jones had seen me on television, and before that I had carried that book around, I was obsessed with the <Color Purple>. I would carry it in the backpack, I would hand it to the people I don't know on the street that have you read the <Color Purple>, read the <Color Purple>. When I heard that they were doing a movie I thought if I could only be the watergirl, if I could only be something be descript there or help people understand, I have to be a part of that movie, And so -- as luck, as some people would call it but I think it’s preparation and opportunity to win all that stuff -- I were seeing it on the television, and auditioned for it, and waited two month to hear, and I could not believe, I thought all the planet were lined up, first of all, the characters that I would play against with, with which is my name back, which I'm trying to say, well that means something, that has to mean something. And then I've gone to this health farm trying to lose weight, after two month not hearing anything because I could not believe god would let me get this close and then lose that role. When I called that casting agent, we've been candid and I said, well have you heard anything? He said, you don't realize that we have other people auditioning for this part, other people who are real actresses, he said to me. And I thought then and then he named the other actresses and I thought definitely I wouldn't get it now. So I remember being on this health farm, running on the track saying to the divine, god, I surrender it, I was singing that song, "I surrender all, I surrender all" and crying, because I finally realize, I'm not going to get it. I thought I was going to get it, I never wanted anything more in my life, but I'm not going to get it, but my life is to go on, and I'm gonna to be fine, and god, what would you have me do now? That was my prayer. The instant, I mean the instant I let it go -- I sword I'm going to cry -- somebody called and get me on the track, and they said, Steven Spielberg is on the phone for you. The instant I let it go. That, that changed my life because I realized that there is so much you can do, you do your best, and then you surrender it, you surrender it, you surrender all, to the universe, when you giving what your best, and said, well what do you want me to do? Obviously God, you don't want me to be in that movie, so I'm willing to do whatever that is, I'm will to move with the flow, I mean, the instant, they said, and I got on the phone, I was called then, and he said, I hear you add a fat farm, if you lost the pound, you may lose this part." And there was a burst of applause, and Oprah was almost crying while I, a confused failure, was deeply moved.

It has been my long cherished desire to experience life abroad, especially the European life. The Eiffel Tower, the Louvre Palace, the cafe, they all seem so romantic to me. I've been dreaming of myself standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, the wind gently kissing in my cheek, and my hair floating on the air. What a beautiful scene, what a great charm. And I believe that I would find my peace there, I would begin a new life there. Why should I insist on this? I believe that one is always trying to adapt to her environment, and when finally one adapts to it, she would stop to improve. I'm really too used to my life here now. And I long to meet the new people, learn about the new world. Then my journey to the destiny started. I decided I would apply to a Master program, which provides scholarships to 10 applicants and which would provide you an opportunity to study in at least 2 countries. It's really perfect to me. I knew this would be a great challenge, but I did have my advantage, so I decided to make a try. I have promised myself the same as Oprah before, that "over prepared, and go with the flow". I promised to do my best, and as to the result, I would take it, whatever it is. But, I never know it would be so hard. Now the result is almost clear, except for an official declaration: I was on the Reserved List, which means unless someone on the main list would not come, I might get an opportunity. But who would refuse such a wonderful offer? Day and night I pray desperately for the magic to take place while in the same time I know it's definitely unrealistic. I should have let it go, as I promised before, and have my life move on. Maybe it's true that God didn't want me to go to Europe this year, maybe that dream I dreamed that night, where I saw the words on the wall "the next year" were words from God. Well, I surrender it, and I'll start my new journey to my destiny, and whether I'll arrive there, let's see the next year. Live my life with my soul, and remember that everyone matters, and focus on my dream. I still have the faith!