Love to My Parents

    Today is the first day of May. It'll be one month of a year after my graduation. I would ask myself what did I do in the last year this moment. 
    I was at home, chatting with my father, talking about how I did I survive from the reexamine and how did I make my choice. I still remember my farther said: though I didn't take the exam as you did, but I was still as worried to death as you. Maybe I am still an immature child in my farther's eyes, maybe I still couldn't feel the same feeling as he even now, but when I thought all about this, I was wondering how should I do in return as a son. I didn't remember the exactly time when his hairs on the temples went white, but what I do now is every time I go home, farther will older then before and I still can't share the burden of my parent's  life. As their son, I feel how incapable and undutiful I am, how badly I wish they can just sit down at home and watch the TV channel they like and don't care about how to make money to raise the whole family. I am already at the middle of twenty, if we think about this age in ancient times, when a man is about fifteen, he is married and after that, he is a real man, and he can do whatever he wants to do and he can be a really responsible son to help their parents and to help the whole family. I just can't. Every time when I think about parent's expectation and compared to what achievements I have made, I feel shameful and regretful, if I can go back to the past, I just don't going to choose study and go to college.
    I called my parents almost at least one time in half the month. Every time I ask what did you do these days, dad? He would complain there's no work these times and feel so leisured at home just watching TV and watch other people play mahjong or cards. Then I would ask why didn't you join with them, dad? He smiled and said: there's no money and how could I didn't work and want to play,how can the money come and give to you and your brother. I would comfort him: don't worry about me, I just want you and mom healthy, don't think about how to save money for me to buy a house in order to marry a woman, these are all my stuff, it's none of your business. If you two live a good life, that all I want to ask. But dad would reply without hesitation: how could I not be worried, you are just a kid and still at the campus,whenever you find your job and I won’t worry about you anymore. After that, I don't know how to reply and I know parents will continually worry about me even if get the job, they will consider about my marriage and how it's going on my family after marriage, etc. As a child in Chinese family, I feel so hard to open my mouth to say I love them or I just forget the thing when I go back to home. But I really want to tell them: I love you, mom and dad, I just wish you healthy and longevity and I proud of be your son.

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