The Art of Intimacy_Personal Boundaries at Work -- Who's the Boss?

I see a lot of gray when it comes to professional relationships, and I don't mean just the drab-colored cubicles. Many women (and men) can recognize blatant sexual harassment, but sometimes a milder version can seep in like an undetected gas leak -- and be lethal to your work life. 

When we're low on the totem pole, it's easy to feel powerless when people in higher positions blur the boundaries. So here are a few thoughts on detecting the subtler signs of inappropriate workplace behavior.

Nicknames aren't for nametags ...

The last time you checked, your business card didn't read "Sweet Cheeks" -- or Honey, Baby, Darlin', Cutie-Pie, or Wild Thang. Nicknames indicate a casual and personal connection, and the uninvited assignment of one within the office will surely raise eyebrows and lower professional esteem. Before it sticks, I suggest mentioning that a nickname makes you feel uncomfortable, and let him know what form of address you prefer!

Pats and squeezes and strokes -- oh my!

Sorry, Olivia Newton-John  --  let's not get physical. An employer's hand on the shoulder can stand out like an apple in a bowl of oranges. Not to mention, it can make you uneasy -- especially if that hand has a tendency to wander or massage. I've seen manipulative moves such as a man taking a young lady's arm under the pretense of close trust or even chivalry, but note to self (and the rest of the staff): you are not his arm candy. I find that arm's length is the most professional distance.

Happy hour? Try "scary" hour ...

We all know the red flags that mixing alcohol and coworkers can raise, but a business dinner or staff outing differs from a cozy twosome between you and your boss. Intentions are hard to assume -- maybe he just wants to treat you for a job well done -- but it's better to decline the offer than find yourself wrapped up in an office scandal. 

Unless you work for Hugh Hefner ...

One gift from an employer is a nice gesture. Two smells like romance. And three makes you glitter like a gold digger. I suggest great discretion when accepting something from your boss. Not only can gifts come across as shady, but it places you in a position of debt -- and when he wants a favor, it may not involve faxing, if you know what I mean.

Basically, don't keep hitting snooze when your professional alarm goes off, because I've seen how warning signs can lead to difficult situations. Define your personal boundaries within the work environment to maintain self-respect and a gleaming professional reputation.