I've learned through experience that no matter how shiny, tidy, healthy and successful someone appears, within, hidden away from view (often even their own), there is suffering.
Alongside this, crucially, I also know it’s OK to be scared and not to fight it, but to go with it and ride the fear. This makes such a difference, not fighting it. And gradually the fear loses its hold–as soon as you’re not frightened of the fear and you face it, it diminishes.
It’s OK to be different and not to be perfect
As soon as you start accepting what you've been experiencing going on in you as ordinary and meant to be, rather than questioning, fighting, and resisting it, the condition starts spontaneously dissolving itself.
Remember every single person on earth has the fear like you, so you’re not alone
The more I point out her virtues, the faster she'll start being willing to acknowledge them herself, simply because at the most fundamental level, we all learn by mimicry of the other.
Courage or feebleness, we all have each – it’s down to which we focus on (in self and others). What you focus on grows.
It’s damn hard being human–most are merely pretending all the time–being real as we once were as children, before the conditioning took proper effect, is initially more challenging, but once we get the hang of it, it’s far more fun.
Remember, anxiety is merely a habit–it releases cortisol from the adrenals and though it's unpleasant and is produced internally, it's an addictive chemical like cocaine.
The only difference between the master and the non-master, in dealing with imagined disaster (with the panic, etc., and adjusting the outlook and state of being), is that the master gets off it (the drama) faster.
The simple act of observation creates space between the observer and the object being observed, and as any quantum physicist will tell you, this actually changes the way the object being observed behaves, too.
As well as trust in yourself, this builds intentionality, which is key to this whole enterprise. We have a choice in each and every moment to see things work out or to see them not. And whichever we focus on grows.
And it's not one or the other in practice, it's about ensuring a balance of at least 51% on seeing it working out. So all these little interventions help and accumulate power. Hence why repetition is important. It's just a matter of switching from repeating self-defeating thoughts and intentions, to self-supporting, self-actualizing ones instead.
Remember, we're all messed up. It's the human condition – no one is perfect.
Remember, no matter how clever you are, nor how assiduous, you'll never sort out life–there's too much of it, no one ever will. But when you sink backwards life sorts itself out.
It’s also occurred to me to say that we don’t have to be perfect, we don’t have to be brilliant, we don’t have to be correct in all we do, we simply have to be (alive) and to love being (alive)–it’s important to remind yourself of this often.
We aren't here to make others happy, we're here to be ourselves, and in so being live from our true innate joyfulness for simply being alive, which we then naturally spread to those around and infect them with it like a contagion. If we try to make someone happy we merely spread the suffering we feel at sacrificing our joy. People make themselves feel whatever they feel and it's entirely their responsibility and no one or nothing else's, no matter how close or entangled you are with them, nor what vows you may have made in the past.
The Stages of Healing
Summary
1 – Remind and assure yourself you're not the only one experiencing what you're experiencing and in fact that everyone is to some extent. You're not a freak.
2 – Remind and assure yourself that so-called mental diseases with names like OCD, paranoid schizophrenia, and psychosis are merely shorthand descriptions of complex internal processes and not entities to identify yourself by.
3 – Remind and assure yourself that your condition is not something like a virus you have to beat or get rid of, but processes you yourself are unconsciously generating, and that by becoming cognitive of the processes
or states you're generating, you realize they're only optional and not compulsory, hence need no longer be compulsive.
4 – Remind and assure yourself that the punishing voices in your head are the voices of those who mistreated or abused you as a child, which you unconsciously mimicked (because children learn primarily through mimicking) and internalized, and are not the voices of any foreign entity, however much they appear to be. And because these voices are impressions of others, hence are in fact your own inner voices, you're fully able over time to take command of them.
5 – Remind yourself that the reason you developed obsessive habitual rituals as a child was to try and make order of what felt like chaos, and that you're not alone in doing
this. And that even though your habits might be extreme in the sense they're getting in the way of living your life, everyone without exception has similar rituals–superstitions, protocols, conventions and so on are what society is based on.
6 – Remember everything has its benefits. The tendency to be obsessive deployed positively makes you assiduous, diligent and responsible in everything you do. This book is a perfect example of this in fact.
7 – Note then that the only way to find true order is by adhering to certain immutable internal principles. By withdrawing from the front of the body and brain and situating your presence in your back you achieve stillness. By allowing the weight of your thoughts to sink down from your head and
chest into your lower belly your mind stops racing and you feel grounded.
By slowing down your breathing your mind operates more effectively.
By relaxing your muscles, you stop feeling so frantic about everything.
By lengthening your spine and lowering and broadening your shoulders you feel lightness of being.
By relaxing your chest, you become more openhearted and more other-centered (altruistic) rather than self-centered (narcissistic).
Remember your function here is to share the unique gift of your beautiful, noble qualities in service of the 'whole' and specifically to ameliorate suffering in others however you
can. And the more you align with this function the faster you'll heal. Plus is, it gives you a sense of purpose and positive reason to heal yourself.
Remember the goal of the healing process is self-integration. This means fully accepting the apparently darker sides of your nature. In terms of your apparently demonic inner voices this is done by acknowledging these voices represent the true you trying to get the attention of the fake you developed in early childhood as a people-pleasing ruse, and which you've mistaken for the real you, and then allowing them to captain the ship. This is done by psycho-spatially placing them at the rear of the 'flight deck' situated in the center of the back-brain.
As integration occurs and increases and
sitting in your back becomes more habitual you're able to bear witness to the mental processes and associated emotional states occurring in the front without identifying with or investing in any of them.
Be aware of the underlying cycles of 'yin and yang,' the contractive phase followed by the expansive phase and vice versa. This means that every phase of growth is inevitably followed by a phase of apparent regression, and that this will inevitably be superseded by a new phase of growth.
Remember there's no need to be superstitious about the condition coming back to haunt you. The condition is not an entity, merely a state you've been generating and now you're able to bear witness to the states you generate and to accommodate
them as they arise, rather than to be subsumed by them, you're in command of what goes on within and so have nothing to be superstitious about.
8 – Throughout, remember everything–including your state, your very existence, and everyone and everything there is–is all transient, and hence everything and everyone passes. Therefore, be willing to eschew self-pity in favor of feeling gratitude for every moment, for every experience no matter how challenging, and never to take yourself and your predicament so seriously you lose your sense of humor.
The One
Only when you've been in the dark can you appreciate the light
You have to go there completely to know what it's like
To lose hope and feel that everything has gone
Drawn down in a spiral so very strong
Down it takes you deeper and deeper
It drives you relentlessly into the dark
Into the depths where your demons wait
Relentless, incessant you give in to your fate
Yet even then your spirit is strong
It will not let you fail but you must trust the one
The inner you of whom you've been so afraid
Is waiting observing, the path you've strayed
So listen, allow the real you to shine
She won't let you down, she's calm and benign
She knows who you are and has always been there
So trust and have faith, this you will bear
You will come through, just ride through the fear
Knowing the light will always be there
It's obscured right now but as long as you trust
You'll find it, let go, don't resist, trust you must
And I’m here, your friend, to help and guide you all the while
When doubt and fear take over and you struggle to smile
You'll soon see the joy and complete wonder all around
You'll find your peace and tranquility, then you're home safe and sound
If you have any questions or comments, or would like to talk about what you’re going through, I, Yvo, can be contacted on
It will be my pleasure and, if there’s any way at all I can help, I will, even if it’s just to listen. Just to know you’re not alone in it and to have someone who understands can help enormously.
I know.
Thanks for reading.
Yvo and the Barefoot Doctor
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